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Has Somebody Said Something Nice About Your Child?

Question of the Week 3

Last week, I asked for your stories of toxic comments alleged loved ones have made about your child or parenting. This week, turn that frown upside down by sharing the nice words and kind treatment you've received from others.

Encouraging Words

Special Needs Children Spotlight10

Terri's Special Children Blog

This Is Why I Mistrust Mainstreaming

Monday July 13, 2009

So, for years I was against mainstreaming for my son. A self-contained class in our neighborhood school seemed like the right balance of inclusion and protectiveness.

Then he did great his first year in high school. And many of his self-contained peers did not do so great, and their behavior started to cause some distress for my guy.

So I thought, okay, maybe a little mainstreaming, maybe a break from that crew that's bugging him.

His teacher suggested resource room for math next year, his sophomore year. Math 10. Math is a strong subject for him. So ... okay. I took the plunge. Why not. We'll try it. One class out of the day. He can always go back if it doesn't work.

Then the teacher suggested mainstreaming for science, too. Another strong subject. No resource for that; it would be an inclusion class with a regular-ed and special-ed teacher. Well, okay. Worth a try. We picked an easy general-education "Biology for Living" class my daughter had sailed through. Could work.

Then, it developed that my son needs two electives next year, and most of the special-education electives had been eliminated in the spirit of greater inclusion. Gosh, thanks. We put him down for one of the few that were left, but for the other he'd have to be in a regular education classroom, with no inclusion teacher. Hardly ideal, but he has a one-on-one aide, and there seemed to be no other choice. So ... wow. Now, as per his IEP, he has one resource room, one inclusion class, and one regular education class. A little ambitious, but ... okay. He's doing great. Let's give it a try.

Then, the school board decided that general education is for wimps, and our high school will now offer nothing lower than college prep. Read more...

Three Happy Tales of Community Acceptance

Monday July 13, 2009

Last week, at the prompting of a reader who suggested, "There are good people out there, you know? Let's focus on those," I set up a Readers Respond page for positive stories of nice reactions to our children with special needs, to balance out the toxic tales of cluelessness and cruelty. Three upbeat reports have come in so far, and they're a great way to start the week:

From sylrayj: "I love my friends! Several of them regularly say how beautiful my kids are, how sweet, how nice... They're right; we do a lot to help them be able to keep an even keel, so their natures can shine through. Still, it's nice that the focus is on our kids' positive traits, instead of how some others would comment that (since we accommodate their needs) we're letting them rule the household."

From tenderharvest: "I actually have quite a few friends who take it upon themselves to let me know how clearly they can understand my children's speech. I appreciate them coming up to me, out of the blue, and just saying, 'You know, I had a great conversation with Billy today!'--especially when they couldn't understand more than a word or two (of what Billy said) just a short while ago. I also appreciate friends who come up to me and say, 'I really want to understand how I can improve the times I spend with your son. Can you help me understand what he's saying and where he's coming from, so I can interact with him better?' There was no prodding on my part to get them to say that and they had humble hearts in approaching me--love it!"

From Cathy: "We have an almost 25 year old son with Autism that is making strides in his own time and place and we are proud of him. We are welcomed at church and other places too. Yes, people ask how he is when he isn't around. It is a nice feeling to know we are included in things in the community too."

Has somebody said something nice about your child? That's the Question of the Week here on About.com Parenting Special Needs, and I can't wait to read about what you've witnessed. (Of course, if you're still steaming about some not-so-nice pronouncement, you can still vent about that.)

New today: Site of the Day | Today's News and Views | Tip of the Day

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Weekday Reflection: Stages

Monday July 13, 2009

Read: "When our kids hit that magical moment of adolescence, most of the parenting rules that helped us for the first decade of their lives become outdated. Everything changes, even as our kids change. We need to adapt, adjust, and grow in the way we relate to our kids if we want to maintain a meaningful, healthy, and strong relationship during this admittedly turbulent time." -- Kevin Leman, Adolescence Isn't Terminal

Reflect: Do I adjust my parenting style to my child's developmental stage? Do I attribute all behavioral weirdness to his or her disability without recognizing that some of it comes with developmental transitions? Do I assume my special child will stay childlike forever?

Respond: Children with special needs often hit developmental milestones on their own unpredictable timetable, so it's easy for parents to lose track of what normal development looks like. Reading about adolescence from a variety of viewpoints can both comfort you that what your child is going through is normal, and help you realize things could be worse. A few books to look at: The Pressured Child; What It Takes to Pull Me Through; and Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome

Every weekday, take a moment to read, reflect, and respond to a passage from a book, blog, or article. ... More Reflections

Also new today: Site of the Day | Today's News and Views | Tip of the Day

Start Your Own Summer Bowling League

Monday July 13, 2009

Many bowling alleys have summer leagues for kids, but they may not be well-suited to your child with special needs. The timing may not be right with therapy appointments or ESY sessions, or the amount of supervision may not be sufficient to keep a rowdy group of youngsters from overloading your child. If an existing league is a bad fit, improvise your own by hand-picking some kids who play well with yours, checking with the bowling alley for an uncrowded time, and planning a weekly bowling playdate. At the end of the summer, buy some trophies or make some medals to reward your young players, and treat them to a pizza party. It's a good way to provide a sporting experience, proprioceptive work, and socialization all at once.

More Parenting Tips: Tips of the Day | Behavior ABCs | Parenting Book Reviews

Image by Terri Mauro

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